


Christmases When You Were Mine

by soul_writerr



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Christmas, M/M, Reconciliation, Reminiscing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 08:13:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16828645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soul_writerr/pseuds/soul_writerr
Summary: Rafael and Sonny were together for two years and, in that time, shared many Christmas traditions. Now that they've broken up, it just doesn't feel like Christmas at all.





	Christmases When You Were Mine

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Taylor Swift's song of the same title. Enjoy some Christmassy angst!

His mother was worried about him. That’s why she called every two hours threatening to get on a plane back from Miami. Rafael insisted he was fine, that he was meeting some friends for dinner, and she should have fun.

But he wasn’t meeting anybody. He had turned down every single invitation he got. Now, he thought maybe that was a stupid thing to do, and if he showed up at Rita’s unannounced she wouldn’t question it too much, but there was only one place where he wanted to be tonight. 

It was cold, and he saw the first few snowflakes coming down. Rafael smiled despite the painful pang on his chest. He was a cynical man, but he was starting to believe his heart was actually, physically broken. That, or he had developed heart problems at his early forties. 

His apartment was empty. There was not one single bauble, light or glittery star out, it looked like it was any other time of year. 

Rafael thought that maybe if he could pretend it wasn’t Christmas Eve, he could pretend he didn’t miss Sonny so much. Because in the two years they had been together, Christmas had become their  _ thing _ .

They’d put up the decorations on December 1st, Christmas music blasting from the speakers. Sonny made them hot chocolate with a pinch of gingerbread spice and half a shot of whiskey, and it was the best thing Rafael had ever tasted. 

Given their height difference, Sonny was in charge of hanging up the fairy lights as Rafael went about detangling them, careful not to drop them. 

“Ma used to say that if you drop the fairy lights, they won’t work anymore,” Sonny told him, and Rafael laughed at how serious he looked. Still, he made sure the lights didn’t touch the floor. 

Rafael was the one who organized all the presents under the tree, because Sonny was incapable of doing it without finding the ones that had his name on the tag and trying to guess what was inside. 

And they hung a mistletoe right in entryway from the front door to the living room. That way, kisses as soon as they got home were always guaranteed. 

Other than their own little piece of Christmas wonderland at home, Rafael got used to hanging out with Sonny’s friends and family way too quickly. Holiday parties were a must for Sonny, and they attended so many Rafael lost count. 

Christmas dinner was Sonny’s mother thing, while Christmas lunch was reserved for Lucia Barba. And although the two were completely different endeavors, considering that Sonny’s family was huge and Rafael’s was just his mother, Sonny had the same bright, giggly spirit at both. 

And in between, Sonny was always baking cookies, and pies and making eggnog. The house smiled like a Christmas factory, and it felt warm and loving.

But now he was alone. Not one shred of Christmas spirit in him, every automatic “Merry Christmas” wish empty and meaningless. 

Still, Rafael smiled at the snow coming down. Because he knew Sonny loved a white Christmas. He had never seen anyone that excited about snow. So he was glad Sonny would get his perfect Christmas morning, with snow and fairy lights that never touched the floor. 

Checking his watch, he guessed dinner at the Carisi’s was at full force at this point. Prayers done, they were probably fighting each other about who had the best Christmas sweater. Or maybe they were complaining about Sonny’s cousins being late again. 

He hoped Sonny was happy. 

As he looked down at his glass of whiskey, sighing deeply, he wished Sonny a very merry Christmas. 

“Rafael!,” he heard someone calling, and it was quickly followed by the loud sound of pounding on his door. “Rafael, it’s Sonny. Please tell me you’re in there.” 

Rafael walked towards the door in quick strides, pausing only to set his glass on the coffee table. When he pulled the door opened, he thought his heart was going to jump out of his chest. 

Sonny was standing there in a big puffy coat, his shoulders covered in snow. His nose and cheeks were rosy and there was a slight tremor to his lips. Looking down, Rafael saw he was holding a mess of tangled fairy lights. 

“I couldn’t put them up,” Sonny said in lieu of a greeting, shoving the lights in Rafael’s hands. “I couldn’t stop thinking about how you weren’t there. I kept expecting to see your hands undoing the knots, but you weren’t there. I wanted you to be there, Raf.” 

Rafael looked between the mess of lights in his hands and Sonny, his heart thumping and his ears buzzing. Maybe he’d get the Christmas he wished for after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, kudos and comments make me very, very happy :D


End file.
